mindConfessions

Boyfriends. Girlfriends.Steady.Sound.Break.
All these are labels for people wanting to have a relationship. But sometimes it isnt that necessary and just makes things abit more complicating then it really is. These labels make us questions the way we are with a person that we like.
We want to officially be label as boyfriends and girlfriends. But the fact is that we already seems like a couple. But if the the guy havent sound her for steady then they are not a couple. Seems all too immature don ya think.

Well i’m not too sure myself actually. I think that if two people are dating often and already share mutual feelings and already exchange some mushy2 sincere feelings together than we ARE in a relationship. But if one of us were to have a similar relationship with TWO people then i think that he/she is playing with the both feelings. Its like what the hell?? Which one u want?

So now here comes to another part of what i think. Since we are in search of our other half,life partner then wouldnt it mean that we need to ’shop around’. And thus the term dating. We date to see who suits us best. Who we like best. So that means many2 people having to go out with.

BUT that doesnt give the excuse of fooling around. AHH YES!! fooling around. Thats the word. Dating and fooling around isnt the same. Dating is more like going out one one one but like frens. Fooling around is ahh u know what i mean.

So if u like him/her then the mutual feelings might develop and from there poof! a relationship. But before that we have to be honest with each other and not create misunderstanding which i believe will cause things to be more complicating than it needs to be.

Things always don go right of u have two people that u like at the same time. One always has to go.Don be greedy.

Human beings are unfaithful sometimes. But we need people to be faithful. Like in marriage. Relationship. But why it is so hard to be faithful? i think our hearts are bored. And hearts needs trill and excitements. And when that isnt received from the person we are suppose to be faithful to, we tend to stray. We find someone else to fill that emotions. But i think that we follow too much of what our heart wants. We forget to think. We don want to work things out. We tend to do things on an impulse and just do what we want even though it isnt right.

But what is right anyway? Shouldnt we try to do things that make ourselves happy? We are living our lives anyway. If we don make ourselves happy who would?
So this comes the part where our lives doesnt only revolves around urself. We have friends,families,pets,enemies,wife,husband,children. We have so many connection to people. So many terms of relationship with people. We behave differently towards different people of different relationship that we have with them.

So its our responsibility to take care of their happiness and not just ourselves. We are one big  domino scale.  People that we know represents one domino piece. One push on one domino,every domino will collapse. We affect one another. So we couldnt be selfish and just think about ourselves. Even though its true that we have to pursue our own happiness its not right to be unfaithful. Just tell the person what’s wrong and what we r not happy with and try to figure things out. If u cant then its break up time. 
Being unfaithful is just wrong. We are not meant to accept unfaithfulness. But break up we are able to.haha.

Finally i had a good night sleep. For 1 whole week i hadnt been able to sleep well seh. Asyik terbangun2 je. Ade malam aku tak tido langsung. My mom thought i wake up early. Sometimes i stayed up the whole night and then the next night couldnt even sleep. So tired seh. My mind just keep thinking bout stuff and stuff. Ouh maybe thats why my eyes is soo itchy. Very pedih tau.
Well now i feel better too. The way i felt when i was writing those previous entries is not the way i feel now. So truly its HELLO AGAIN to whatever-i-am-feeling now!! wuuhuuii..*raise arms above head*

ouh ouh I like the show  Down with love! very very interesting and funny seh. Too bad i didnt watch from the start before she was Barbara Novak. Seeing her transformation would be interesting. So by being somebody else could we really be the person we are pretending to be? I think its just that we don have the chance to portray who we sometimes want to be because we don get the chance. We are form by situations that we handle in our life. So by being somebody else but of course handling those situations ourselves then it becomes part of us. But then,its because of confidence ar. Nancy new look gave her much more confidence. People with confidence can do mostly what they want to achieve. By having that now, we could be/do what we thought we couldnt do. Like changing how u dress. People who used to dress with dull colours and like not nice lar will change and have much more confidence when given a makeover. Not extreme makeover mind u.

But the story Down with love isnt about confidence lar. She is willing to go to that extent to get the person she love to notice her. Now isnt that desperate. But in this story she get what she wanted seh.So tak kisah. Hmm how far am i willing to go to get noticed? hahaha.. i think i’ll just stick to being myself.

So what am i trying to say?
HAHA! i also don know.

hmm im still sleepy arr.

I’m very disappointed with myself sehh.*punch fist into palm* haiyaaa.wattaanabe. Actually make up my mind to keep my hair long lar. don cut it. ya ya i cut my HAIR!!. now is looks very kontol. hmph!! hmpHH arrg. im always like tat. Everytime i cut my hair then i regret it then promise myself "oi jgn cut jgn,jgn cut." then yesterday malam i was like geram tgk cermin then argh grap scissors and comb then snip snip snip. Trus i was DAMN.Ape aku buat bodoh. tsk tsk tsk. so disappointed seh.now must tie hair everytime i go out.cannot let pple see sei.hahak..Hmm sori sayang..

I just got back home fom my makcik house taking care of the cousins.So bile otw alik naik 965 lah kan. At first tgk tak de seat then tis uncle like shift2 then signal me to seat. tak fikir anyk i seat lah.trus regret seh. i was sandwich between these to laki cine and we are like peha to peha,shoulder to shoulder.. eee i was seating there tak move. so the uncomfortable seh.then ar the aircon mcm takde and i was sweating and no air and got bau masam badan ler..blueaaak… beh da start mabok .thinking bilee lah nak sampai.. i hate taking buses..there is nothing to like about them mah.
then tunggu 83 watanabe punye lame nak smpi.. 27 lalu 3 kali! watanabe kan. bile nak naik 27 tunggu peh lame.slalu gini seh.

Actually aku nie very penat. nak tido.malam tadi tak leh tido ler.terbgn2 byk kali. i thinking too much bout him and not healthy lar. cant help it u know. but then tadi ar suddenly i feel soo much better. i don know wat the feeling is ar but i don think will last very long. hahha.. but hello again to watever-im-feeling-now.
see see tak last very long.. lagu yg touchy termain kat winamp ar..hahhah hmm very fickle lah mie… tsk tsk tsk. i scared lar im like tat.
i asyik dgr lagu Real Love-massari seh. saat2 bile mcm so touching die suke mie beh dgr lagu nie then tak tell me. hmph lagi bagus nie dari Demi waktu-ungu. byk jgak seh lagu macam demi waktu nye kind. beh ade kat playlist lak. haiyooo.
arrrrrgggghhh lagu No promises lak main kat winamp… *waaiill* haa kk.. adik suro off bab nak sembahyang…..aku tak nak dgr tapi nak jgk.. hehhe…
‘k releks eh nadia."
"okok.aku fine."
haaa sot seh. bebual sendiri.

January is over and so much has happened. Well not in terms of activities but the feelings that i felt. The changes week after week that its hard to believe that it was within a month. The changes between my families and relatives and my personal life.
I grew up abit more being in those situations that happened in january.

Taking care of my sick grandmother going to and fro the hospital almost everyday has taken its toll on my relatives. Feeling tired and sick just doesnt help. Everything happens for a reason and this is a test from God to us. We have to be strong to go through life and have patience. There’s also a blessing behind all this because finally her true colours is revealed. We actually know how she is being a big hypocrite but we just dont have the chance to reveal it u know. I also got closer with my aunts and cousins. Meeting them beside Hari Raya or other occasions. Seeing each other in ReaL situations beside the HAHAhAppy hari raya helps us to understand and know each other better. All this is very nice and warm indeed.

As for me personally,things have become a bit more clearer. I cared for a guy friend truly. I thought i couldnt like him the way i do now. I just didnt see it happening. But it all changed. Things are difficult for him right now and i hate to see him feeling what he feels now. Hopefully i can be someone that he can depend on. Also i think the way we are is the best for us right now. Lets not think to much about this and let things happen naturally. Like what i had said before in my previous entry Jan 13; i want to be friends but care for someone. And i care alot for him cause he is my special friend.

"..hearts can change and lovers come and go.."-november rain.

i think i have to stop listening to touchy songs leh. Feel like ‘ouch’ gitu. *_*

I thought i could control my feelings by knowing what is better for myself so i could avoid heartbreak. The way things are didnt go as how i wanted it to. I was confident that i could take care of my heart,my feelings. But feelings cant be controlled. I cant help it but to be moved by him,touched by his actions. I feel what i feel now and cant run away from it although my mind tells me that i shouldnt feel this way. I try to reason it out myself telling myself "ooi relax! no need be so emo can?"
my heart feel this my mind tells me that.
like WTH kan…

*wail*

But it isnt that bad. I know the situation way before ‘this’. So sort of expected it lar. Its like lagu Ungu- Demi Waktu
then the song Take That- Patience.

*BOX* ~keDuish~

I yearn for simplicity in life. But in search of that i will come across complication and complexity of life. Relationship,friendship,family,relatives,studies,working. Yearning that, i stress myself out to make things simple when they are definitely not. To begin with, humans arent that simple anyway. Our emotions,the way we think and our conscience just makes us complex beings.They always contradict each other.
If things are so simple then life would be very boring indeed. There would be no passion or drive to succeed in life.
I realise that i am worried. Deep down i know that its not simple but i am just deluding myself to make me feel better. I have to accept or should i say learn to deal with life. Being the age i am now i am discovering new things. Learning to cope with situations i have never handled before. I believe everyone at any point of time in their life will learn to handle new things no matter how big or small they are.
Well,things that i wish is simple isnt simple at all.

panggilan nama beruba ke sayang
ucapan mainan menjadi ucapan dari hati
persahabatan kita berputik menjadi lebih indah
takku sangka rinduku padamu menjadi begini hebat

tanpamu sedari kamu telah memberiku
sedikit lebih kegembiraan
tanpamu sedari kamu mengisi hatiku
tanpaku sedari inilah perasaan hatiku kini

setahun kamu mengharapnya
tidak kemana hatimu dibawa
dan kini inginmu melepasinya
namun bukan begitu mudah

kita dalam permainan cinta
aku membuat selamba
tapi tidak dapatku lari dari kenyataan perasaanku
kerisauan,kegembiraan dan segalanya

kasihan dan sayang
suka dan geram
sesat perasaan
hatimu tidak terjaga

waktu
menunggu waktu
mengubat hatimu
sayang

9 more months and i’m gonna be 18 yrs old seh!! its too fast ar.. then soon i’m not gonna be a teenager anymore. people expect me to behave my age. hmmm..
18 yrs old
adult..
can buy rokok legally
msok clubs..
watch M18 movies..
get married..
hahhahaa
i still feel 16 so tat will be my age till i feel like 17 or 18.. hehehhe.. but age shouldnt be something tat takes control of how u feel and act. it should come from the heart..
people mature differently and should allow to grow  within their own time .
ouh ya if buat salah masok jail already seh.. nt home..  huahuahua.. tapi aku nak kisah uat pe kan.

wualouuwei my ears are still ringing from the muse concert yesterday.. but then it was all worth it!! fuuh greatest experience ever. to see one of my fav band live is so swit..
k mari ku cite skit ape yg jadi pade ku…
bile ku ngan zura sampai tak tau lah kene q.. so kite duduk2 pat satu tmpt nie. then bile nak tgk mane entrance die skali zura kate ‘eh kau tgk drg like queing seh’.. skali ah2 sak!!.. walaaowei kite waste time seh ddk situ. then try lar kol my fren nie beh die kat entrance lagi satu so tak leh ar cut the q ntah mane ntah die.. then call yanie.. wuhuu dpt cut the q.. thanks seh!!
then bile da kat dlm tunggu2 peh tunggu lum start2..drg sound check for like 2hrs seh.. kite da diri pat situ dgr lagu cd..

yg klakar n disgusting ade nie couple drg horny seh.. pompan die gemuk ar. drg ngah rokok.. pompan nie ngah shiok sendiri..grind.. then laki depan die da tgk2 kan die ngan muke cramp..  haah funny seh..then arr very hot seh. then like no oxygen..skali come to the worst aku pitam!! blackout jap seh.. scary..

then ask ppl arn me for water.. hehe bekas cine kebas je.. aku squat beh ppl surround me ngah diri tunduk tgk aku.. uuu.. then pakai the ticket to fan myself.. drg kate "eh u ok not. eh give her water" sweet mamat2 dan org2 lain tolong kipaskan skali.. hahha.. ade gal ni kate u ok? need me to support u?.. then i say ar nvm im ok.. need to sit down 4 awhile…caring org2 nie.. tapi bile da shiok sendiri lupe seh org2 lain..

so igt da ok ar.. aku diri..pitam alik.. aku diri duduk for like 4 times or more seh.. nasib zura ade.. haai die da jage aku bile pitam 4 2 times already seh.. thx seh.. syg kau…
then aku buka baju.. hahhaha.. tapi ade baju sleeveless ar.. tak bueh tahan..
skalliii!! da start arrr! wuuuu.. trus org smue excited drg jump nak mampos.. aku pun jump2 ar ape lagi..

tapi kan ni scary part seh.. aru start org2 around kite drg tolak2.. kene penyek sak.. from all direction ar seh.. tolak sane tolak sini.. giler siol…then ok.. dapat tahan.. skali tuk.. kaki kene kepale ku..azura da tolak2 die.. org body surf sak..then waa paakk! aku rase weight berat pat atas aku..3 org body surf in total .. then tak compact sgt ar the ppl arnd me got lobang2.. so the top body btul2 on me.. peh nak patah seh.. the weight aduh makk.. then try tolak die beh azura die move ketepi tak support die trus laki tu jatuh.. hahhaha!!  then start lagi .. daa weak then tak leh tahan.. smue laki arnd kite.. nak mampos…. at one piont betul2 nak jatuh seh.. takut seh stampede..org tlk depan.. then move blakanag.. left right.. nak enjoy muse pun tak leh.. risau seh…pas tu ok ar..da relek..aku  giler2 dgr lagu kan.. beh depan aku ade this big guy.. ee seram die da lean2 blakang kalau aku kene penyek ngan die haa nak mati seh..

so daa takut.. aku ngan zura move to the side which is relek skit… baru best.. tak risau org2 giler.. so kite giler2 ar dgr muse.. gereekk!!..jump2..head banging..hahha!! peluh teruk mcm kat sauna… tapi tak faham ar org2 yg ade pat situ.. bleh diri je tak move.. rock ar skit.. hmm tak feeling ar.. waste money je.. muse seh.. drg main gerek seh.. tapi takpe ku had fun..
shiokk seh!!…
bile da bis kite due mcm drunk jap.. high seh…kite masih nyanyi2.. weeee.. … hahah..jln pun tak straight..

haaaa… gerek2… i realise tat must be physically fit and mentally prepared.. hehhea..my body is feeling sore..